So I have to say that this week has been one of the worst of my entire life. Maybe it wasn't, maybe it's just still so new to me that one day time will diminish the awfulness of it all just as it has other bad weeks. Maybe it's just the icing on a long two years. Sometimes I think Blogs should be called Brags because one doesn't always post "everything" we just put our best face forward and post the good things in an effort to stay positive and concentrate on our blessings. Or maybe it's the fear of being judged that only the good is shared? I've sat here this evening trying not to have a complete break down and instead I started looking back at old photos and remembering past blessings. So I picked a year, the year I got my first digital camera, and decided to Post that year...good things...fun times. A time before drugs, alcohol, courts, arrests, ambulance rides, suicide attempts, tatoos, death threats, distrust and fighting. A time when I didn't pick up the phone and hear, "You have a collect call from an inmate in a Pinal County Facility do you accept the charges?", Back when I wasn't fighting for the life of a son that I love more than my own life. Struggling and fighting for strength and begging a loving Heavenly Father for the ability to just breathe and to be able to wake up to another day not knowing how the day will end. Wondering if my son will disappear again never to been seen or heard from again. Or if maybe next time the tree branch won't break. Yes I'm having a difficult time. I don't like to post the "Bad" things out of fear of judgement and rumors. But there it is and here is 2003 a better time. Looking back and remembering past blessings helps and gives me strength to face the unknown.
RaLee won a barell racing buckle
Kaitlen was the Queen Creek Bulldogs little cheerleading mascot
Going to Royal's football games
Crystal and Wayne
Painting with my grandsons
Taking Kaitlen to the State Fair
Baking Christmas Candy
Crystal looking awesome for Halloween with little William
Going to Schnepff Farms for the October Fest
Traveling to Holbrook for Michaels Missionary Farewell
Christmas Picture
The boys going to the Homecoming Dance
A visit with My brother Mike and his son Pat
Going to the farewell with Royal's purple truck
Teele turns 44
Michael's Farewell...he's going to the Philipines
My brother,Kathy and her son (from Venezuela), and my neice and nephew celebrate Christmas with us!
Taking the kids to McDonald's
RaLee turns 10
Kaitlen gets into mommy's make-up
William wants to be like Grandpa Teele
Grandpa and Grandma "Spoil" Kaitlen for Christmas
Kaitlen Smashes her finger in the door
Road Trip to Holbrook
My Grandson, Wayne, celebrates his first birthday
.JPG)
13 comments:
Mom,
I do not know how you have made it threw these past 2 years considering all the BS DJ has but you threw. Even though things are total crap as of lately you are still teaching us kids through example. You still love Doy No matter what. You are teaching us how to turn our problems over to the Lord and how to find the strength to endure to the end. How to pray for others and really be there for them if they need us. Mom you have not given up on him just like the Lord has not given up on him. There good in him somewhere and I know hopefully we can find the old Doy before its too late. Mom I love you!
Liz, first of all, the pictures are so good. Lots of good memories by looking back at old photos. That is awesome that you can do that. Then second, I am sorry you are going through hard times. Life can sure get scary and uncertain, can't it? I hope things look better real soon. Sometimes prayer is about the only thing we have. I have a niece that is putting her family through a terrible time right now as well. It can be such a helpless, hopeless feeling, lots of sleepless nights, tears, and heartbreak. More than plenty to go around. Anyway, I pray that a window will open up real soon! Take care. If we can help in anyway, please let us know.
Liz you are right...we don't always blog about REAL life and all the heartache. I wish with ALL my heart I could go back to 2003 and change things...I loved all your pictures and thanks for reminding me to count my blesings! Thanks for your visit today, you're the BEST!
When I first started blogging, I had many anxiety attacks about how perfect everyone's lives seemed. I hated it. It caused so many problems between Cody and I and not to say it doesn't happen now but I have gotten better at realizing people just put the good and we never know what happens behind closed doors or offline.
Liz I am very sorry to hear about all of the pain you are going through. I can't even begin to imagine what its like or how it feels but please keep your head up and continue to be strong. I know its hard to have faith during times like this but I know the Lord will bless you and your family by continuing to be strong. "When life is too hard to stand, kneel." I tell myself this all of the time and its so true and helps.
I love you.
Danica you are simply amazing! When I was doing my visiting teaching today I realized that prayer is what gives me Hope and without that I get so lost. Thank you for your words of encouragement and thank you for telling me you love me...that made me cry.
When DJ goes missing I pray all day-literally. I pray he will be protected that angels will watch over him among other things. But when he told me how he went into the mountains near ShowLow and threw his heel rope over the limb of a huge pine tree and how he climbed the tree and placed the rope over his neck and jumped. And that this giant "healthy" limb broke and hit him in the chest. He sat there all day and through the night staring at the limb and wondering why it broke. It was then that the spirit wispered to me loud and clear...were it not for those angels you prayed for he would be gone. I am taking yours and your mom's advice and just praying more. I have a feeling his rock bottom isn't here yet and that we have a rocky road ahead of us. I hate drugs with a passion! I don't understand the desire to even try them I truly don't get it! I understand what your saying about blogging. It's fun, it's been a way to touch base with and get to know you and your sister, Brody and your mom and it can be depressing too. But like you I realized we don't know what happens "off line". I have this tendency to say it like it is and be a little to open and honest...it makes people uncomfortable I know. When those yearly "Christmas Letters" start rolling in I always laugh and make up one that tells it like it is. Crystal and I laugh and laugh over all the things we will put in our letter-you know the stuff no one knows or wants to admit. We have a weird sense of humor the girls and I. So we write our imaginary letter but never type it up and mail it. That's our tradition. Again thanks so much for all of your words of encouragement!
Liz, my heart goes out to you and your family during this trying time. We haven't had to deal with the drugs, but we have had to deal with other problems with our children and it is hard. It is hard to know that you did all you could to raise them the best you knew how, and then you realize, you have to turn it over to our Father in Heaven and just keep praying for them. The rest, unfortunately, is up to them. I agree with you. We need to post the 'bad' along with the good. I consider my blog to be more or less a journal. I don't want my decendants reading it and thinking my life was all roses and lollipops! They need to know the 'real stories' that went on. Sometimes some are better left to the hard bound journal books, but sometimes, it is good to share so others can share in your prayers and fasting for your family. Thank you for the opportunity to pray with a purpose for your family. Big HUGZ to you. Sometimes, being a mom is really hard! I love you! Hang in there, my friend!
Mom,
I wish I had read your post sooner then today. I get so mad at Doy for all he has put us threw. I don't understand it, he is ruining every gift Heavenly Father has given him. I know Doy was raised in a good home with very loving parents I try so hard to understand his choices and I just can't. A big part of me just wants to walk away and when he is ready he will ask for it. But the what if part in my brain the part where if he does wind up hurting himself I can't live knowing that I walked away from my little brother. All we can do is pray for him and for our family that we will find the answers we need to help him. I love you and am so proud of you for sharing this with others I know how hard that must be for you.
Liz,
My heart breaks for you, and the struggle that your family is having to go through right now. We will keep ALL of you in our prayers. I'm glad you're able to look back and remember happier times. If there is anything that we can do, please let us how we can support your family. We love you.
I don't understand exactly why our family has had so many different types of struggles. I know that every family has their own struggles and hurdles to get over, but ours just seem to get higher and higher each time we face a new one.
I have no words to explain to how I feel about the whole situation. I'm mad a Dee for making such decisions to begin with. My heart breaks for him because the decisions you make while in the state of addictions and the loneliness you feel isn't something that is accompanied by itself. Once Satan has you marked by addiction, and loneliness you are never alone. You always have one of his demons beating you down when you try to get up.
All I can say is that I know we were raised by terrific parents. You were there whenever we needed and helped us over what ever hurdle we were facing. I know that as parents you are only human, and you can only do so much before you run out of energy, patience and wisdom.
Most parents would have given up a long time ago, but having the Lord on your side and you constantly seeking him in prayer you have made it further than others.
I know that if Dee would seek the Lord he too would have the same companionship and guidance that you have.
Thank you for having the undying love for your children. Thank you for having the faith and love in Christ that is needed to get over the hurdles. Thank you for being the example that you have been in my life. There is no other person in the world like you.
As for D. I still have words. Only prayers that he will be safe, and of sound mind, and that the Lord will protect him in all things. We pray for him daily. We love him dearly and worry constantly.
We love you mom!
I think many families have been touched by drugs - more than we know. I feel the same as you and absolutely HATE them. I try to remember that the things our loved ones do aren't really them - it is the drugs. Nevertheless, it is unbelievably hard to deal with and many times feel like you have run out of options and ways to help them. You are not alone, and it sounds as though your son is incredibly blessed with a Mother that has not given up. I'm so sorry that you have had to bear this as a Mother - I can't imagine (and don't want to). Thank you for your example.
P.S. I agree that the "fun" and "good" stuff is much easier to talk about but EVERY family has trials to bear. I know this. I don't mind hearing about either one and would hope that no judgment is passed. We're all here to learn and grow and help one another along the way. If there is anything I can do let me know - unfortunately we have had too many experiences with this as well.
By the way, you cracked me up with your rotatiller story. That was too funny!!
i left another comment but i don't know if it went through. dangit.
ok obviously it didn't post. I'll do my best to remember what i wrote. it was dang long.
You made me cry too. I've always been an honest person. Sometimes brutally honest but I guess its acceptable. I've made it this far in life. What I've learned, say it with a smile and a touch of laughter and people don't cry so hard. haha.
I've never really understood why your family never came to famliy functions (disfunctions? haha. or maybe I kinda do after some of the things that have gone on) but I am thankful to have blogs now where we can be more apart of each others lives. I've learned a lot since I got married about mothers and their children and how they choose to raise them. No one knows what it would be like for them if they had to raise someone else's kid. Like if Paula raised me instead of Jim and Tamra. Its weird. I learned to quit judging people because each parent does the best they know how. However, this was never more true to me than one night when I was reading my Patriarchal Blessing. It said, and I quote, "you were sent to these loving parents by assignment." After the blessing I remember my dad saying he's never heard that before. (I always knew I was somehow a test to them...to see if I could teach them patience...I think they did). I know DJ will one day thank you for all of your prayers and faith in him and the Lord that he would one day make good decisions. Don't give up on him and continue to love him no matter what. (its easy for me to say I know) The Lord will bless you through your faith and just remember that everyone has trials that the Lord knows they can handle.
One of my memories is of DJ and Royal playing in the big red barn on the Reidhead ranch. I have no clue what time of year it was or any specific details but I remember building forts out of grandpas hay and feeling so cool just chillin with my cousins. I do remember both of their laughs and that we truly had a great time! One day that laughter will be back in his life.
Post a Comment